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Fighting Chance
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.
-- Will Rogers


The Car Name Game

Every car company's name must stand for something. Help us break the codes
Just take the letters in any automaker's name and tell us what you think they might stand for.*

We've received suggestions for several names, but a few makes are untouched, and we're always looking for fresh suggestions for all nameplates. E-mail us your suggestions (jbragg@fightingchance.com), and we'll add the best ones to the list.

Understand, however, that we have certain standards that are nothing more than the dictates of common sense:

(1) The ideas you submit must be relevant to the automotive product category, or to a given nameplate's market or financial position. Simply stringing together words that start with the letters in the name doesn't cut it; it just means that you don't get it. (And if you don't get this, what do you get?)

(2) They must be reasonably clever. (Based on several hundred unbelievably bad submissions received so far, we're close to concluding that there's not much creativity out there in cyberspace. We're not even sure that many of the submittors to date are over ten years old and can walk and chew gum simultaneously.) Please don't be the 387th person to send "Found On Road Dead" for Ford or "Poor Old Nimrod Thinks It's A Cadillac" for Pontiac; they're not good enough.

(3) They must not be in poor taste. We'd never use anything that your mother wouldn't want a young child to read. For example, one rocket scientist sent this for ACURA: "Amount Causes Urinary Release Accidentally." Please, if you're juvenile enough to think this kind of thing is clever or funny, go somewhere else to embarrass yourself. There are plenty of other places on the Internet where they actually enjoy talking to fools.

Here are the entries that have cleared these hurdles so far. Some are OK, others better than OK. A few are terrific. Make terrific your goal.


ACURA
  • Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead

    AUDI
  • Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
  • Acceleration Unbelievable, Design Ingenious

    BMW
  • Bavarian Money Waster
  • (Backwards) Waste My Bucks
  • Big Man Wannabe
  • Bring Mucho Wampum
  • Break My Wallet

    BUICK
  • Built Using Inferior Car Knowledge
  • Butt Ugly Inefficient Chevy Knock-Off

    CADILLAC
  • Certified As Detroit's Inadequate, Lumbering Luxury Auto Car

    CHEVROLET
  • Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
  • Competely Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology
  • (CHEVY) Can't Have Expensive Vehicle Yet
  • Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

    CHRYSLER
  • Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair

    DAEWOO
  • Da Awful Experience Was Owning One
  • Depreciation Always Eclipses Worst Of Others

    DODGE
  • Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
  • Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

    FERRARI
  • First Every Race Run, Always Really Incredible

    FIAT
  • Failed Italian Automotive Technology
  • Fix It Again, Tony
  • Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation

    FORD
  • Fixed Or Repaired Daily
  • Flips Over, Read Directions
  • First On Recall Day
  • Fast Only Rolling Downhill
  • (Backwards) Driver Returns On Foot
  • (Backwards) Don't Ride On Firestones

    GMC
  • Got a Mechanic Coming?
  • Garage Man's Companion
  • General Motors Cashcow
  • Guaranteed Mechanical Calamity

    General Motors Corporation
  • Give Me Cash!
  • Government Motor Corporation

    HONDA
  • Happy Owners Never Drive Angry
  • Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything
  • Happy Owners Never Doubt Acquisition
  • Had One, Never Did Again

    HUMMER
  • Huge Ungainly Military Monster, Easily Recognizable

    HYUNDAI
  • Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive

    INFINITI
  • It Never Found Its Niche, It's Truly Inconsequential

    ISUZU
  • Is So Underpowered, Zooming Unlikely

    JAGUAR
  • Just A Gorgeous, Underperforming Anglican Rip-Off

    JEEP
  • Just Expect Endless Problems
  • Journey Eventually Ends Perpendicularly
  • Junk Everyone Eagerly Purchases
  • Just Empty Every Pocket

    KIA
  • Keeping It Asian
  • Korea's Incompetence Amazing

    LAND ROVER
  • Loud, Agonizing, Noisy Drive - Rattles On Virtually Every Road

    LEXUS
  • Luxurious, Expensive, (a) Xenophile's Ultimate Score

    LINCOLN
  • Large Income? No Class? Own Lincoln Now.

    LOTUS
  • Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious

    MAZDA
  • Mismanages A Zillion Dollars Annually
  • Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

    MERCEDES-BENZ
  • Mostly European Rich Can Enjoy Driving Expensive Sedans, Beautifully Engineered, Notable Zippy

    MERCURY
  • Most Engines Run, Contingent Upon Repair Yesterday
  • Mediocre Engine Revs Constantly, Really Yucky

    MINI
  • Makes Individual Nearly invisible

    MITSUBISHI
  • Management Incessantly Tolerates Socially Unacceptable Behavior, Ignoring Sexual Harassment Incidents
  • Maybe If They Stayed Upright Better I'd Still Have Insurance
  • NISSAN
  • No Inspired Styling, Still, Accelerates Nicely

    OLDSMOBILE
  • Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday
  • Only Lemons Dealt & Sold, Misled Owners Bought Into Lousy Engineering

    PLYMOUTH
  • Please Leave Your Money Out Under The Hood

    PONTIAC
  • Put On Notice To Improve A Car
  • Plenty Of Numbskulls Think It's A Cadillac
  • Product Overabundance Necessitates Traditional Incentive Application Constantly

    PORSCHE
  • Pity Only Rich Suckers Can Have 'Em
  • Pursuit Of Really Spectacular Chicks Highly Enhanced

    SAAB
  • Send Another Automobile Back
  • Swedish Autos Always Breakdown
  • Sure Ain't A Bimmer

    SATURN
  • Same American Trash Under Revised Name
  • Stickers Are Truly Unnegotiable, Rebates Nonexistent

    SUBARU
  • Sport Utility Buffs Are Relatively Unimpressed
  • Sorta Useful, But Are Really Underpowered

    SUZUKI
  • Samurai Upended, Zealous Underwriters Keep Insisting

    TOYOTA
  • Truly Obvious You Overestimate This Automaker
  • Too Often Yankees Overprice This Automobile

    VW
  • Virtually Worthless
  • Vice Wagon

    VOLVO
  • Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

    Got any fresh ideas?
    Send us an email with your suggestion. But please don't be the 387th person to send "Found On Road Dead" for Ford or "Poor Old Nimrod Thinks It's A Cadillac" for Pontiac; they're not good enough.



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