"All I can say is, Wow! The "fax attack" got me a Mercedes E320 CDI sedan for $1,226 UNDER the invoice price. I will never buy a new car any other way." -- C. W., Virginia Beach, VA.
Everything is funny as long
as it is happening to someone else.
-- Will Rogers
The Car Name Game
Just take the letters in any automaker's name and tell us what you
think they might stand for.*
We've received suggestions for several names, but a few makes are
untouched, and we're always looking for fresh suggestions for all
nameplates. E-mail us your suggestions
(jbragg@fightingchance.com), and we'll add the best ones to
the list.
Understand, however, that we have certain standards that are nothing more than the dictates of common sense:
(1) The ideas you submit must be relevant to the automotive product category, or to a given nameplate's market or financial position. Simply stringing together words that start with the letters in the name
doesn't cut it; it just means that you don't get it. (And if you don't get this, what do you get?)
(2) They must be reasonably clever. (Based on several hundred unbelievably bad submissions received so far, we're close to concluding that there's not much creativity out there in cyberspace. We're not even sure that many of the submittors to date are over ten years old and can walk and chew gum simultaneously.) Please don't be the 387th person to send "Found On Road Dead" for Ford or
"Poor Old Nimrod Thinks It's A Cadillac" for Pontiac; they're not good enough.
(3) They must not be in poor taste. We'd never use anything that your mother wouldn't want a young child to read. For example, one rocket scientist sent this for ACURA: "Amount Causes Urinary Release Accidentally." Please, if you're juvenile enough to think this kind of thing is clever or funny, go somewhere else to embarrass yourself. There are plenty of other places on the Internet where they actually enjoy talking to fools.
Here are the entries that have cleared these hurdles so far. Some are OK, others better than OK. A few are terrific. Make terrific your goal.
ACURA
Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead
AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
BMW
Bavarian Money Waster
(Backwards) Waste My Bucks
Bring Mucho Wampum
Break My Wallet
BUICK
Built Using Inferior Car Knowledge
Butt Ugly Inefficient Chevy Knock-Off
CADILLAC
Certified As Detroit's Inadequate, Lumbering Luxury Auto Car
CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
Competely Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology
(CHEVY) Can't Have Expensive Vehicle Yet
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
CHRYSLER
Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair
DAEWOO
Da Awful Experience Was Owning One
Depreciation Always Eclipses Worst Of Others
DODGE
Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
FERRARI
First Every Race Run, Always Really Incredible
FIAT
Failed Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It Again, Tony
Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation
FORD
Fixed Or Repaired Daily
Flips Over, Read Directions
First On Recall Day
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
(Backwards) Driver Returns On Foot
(Backwards) Don't Ride On Firestones
GMC
Got a Mechanic Coming?
Garage Man's Companion
General Motors Cashcow
Guaranteed Mechanical Calamity
HONDA
Happy Owners Never Drive Angry
Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything
Happy Owners Never Doubt Acquisition
Had One, Never Did Again
HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive
INFINITI
It Never Found Its Niche, It's Truly Inconsequential
ISUZU
Is So Underpowered, Zooming Unlikely
JAGUAR
Just A Gorgeous, Underperforming Anglican Rip-Off
JEEP
Just Expect Endless Problems
Journey Eventually Ends Perpendicularly
Junk Everyone Eagerly Purchases
Just Empty Every Pocket
KIA
Korea's Incompetence Amazing
LAND ROVER
Loud, Agonizing, Noisy Drive - Rattles On Virtually Every
Road
